The Storm

This is an entry from my most recent journal. Dated February 20, 2012

So much has happened lately, my head is spinning. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Which way is up, which way is down. I don't try to make sense of it, because it only adds salt to the wound. I feel like this tornado of confusion is hitting me hard. I'm looking for shelter from the storm, but I keep getting hit. Just when I think the storm has passed, and I can relax, my world is turned upside down once again. I am trying to pretend the damage can be fixed with some tender, loving care, but I am not fully convinced.

My heart is telling me to pick up the pieces and reconstruct the shambles I have left. Of course the foundation will still be faulty and could fall to pieces once again. My brain is telling me to start brand new. To start all over. Maybe I should move out of the storm's path for refuge. My brain knows better. Its telling me to move to safety and start fresh with a brand new foundation. It sounds easy and is a wise choice, yet the old foundation that made me feel at home is too sentimental. There are too many memories that would be left behind. Every inch holds a special place in my heart. It brought me comfort. The nostalgia brings me comfort.  Security.

Sure, I could find better supplies and learn from the past, and maybe that's what I need. Perhaps I could be just as happy with something brand new. I could make new memories.

I'm stuck.