100

"I go extra hard at the first second you doubt me

I strive for perfection at the same time

I’m accepting the fact that there’ll never be nothing perfect about me

Shit, I’m just waiting on a win"

                                              -100 by Big Sean



Not all rap is about sex, drugs, and money.
and this is exactly how I am  feel.
I'm getting better with the whole perfection thing.
One day at a time, I suppose.

 

Perfection

I just want to be perfect. All my life I have strived for perfection, which is not a reality. So essentially I have just set myself up for failure.

I want to be perfect at everything. And with the realization that perfection does not exist, I only feel hopeless.

If I can't be perfect, then why keep working so hard on anything.

Some thoughts.

Just testing out my blogger app on my iPhone.

I took my vyvanse (aka my energizer pill) and man have I done some work.

I managed to knock out some research for my Art History project and do some decent cleaning. Cleaning while on vyvanse means I was pouring sweat.

Unfortunately I need to take a break and go get more smokes.

I still have to cook dinner, do laundry, fix my nails, and do some math homework. And at some point I need to shower.

Of course I had all weekend do to all of this, but I managed to blow it off and watch football. Saturday was my one day of relaxation. Just hanging and watching College Football.

School, homework, and chores stress me out enough. And yet I still need to find a real part time job.

Yikes. This is what being a grown up is?

I Can't Breathe

I'm just taking a quick minute to update. Keyword: Quick. I feel like since school has started, my life has been a complete whirlwind. I feel like I haven't had time to breathe. I haven't had time to even think.

After sleeping half of my summer away, the start of school has been an onslaught of constant chaos. My thought process usually goes like this:

"I need to do...I forgot to...I need to get...I need to...I need to...I need too."

Don't perceive my negativity towards school as complaining, I love school. I really do, but I tend to stress myself out very easily. I think a lot of my stress comes from my medication. I have been taking Vyvanse for over a year now. When my doctor diagnosed me with Adult ADD, I started Vyvanse. It has really saved my life in many ways, but there are downsides with every medication. I am very productive and can concentrate so well with my medication, but I can not relax. This little pill transforms me into one of those workoholics that takes on every tasks and leaves no room to relax. I turn into the energizer bunny. Literally.

Then there are the weekends, where I like to sleep in. If I wake up too late, I don't take that mighty pill, and therefore get nothing done. Laying in bed and doing nothing, while I yearn for that relaxation during the week, during the weekend it makes me feel so lazy. When I finally relax, I feel so unproductive and feel horrible.

So basically, my life is chaos and a vicious cycle. I don't know when I will ever get it right.


And a little side note, My visit to Tallahassee to help my sister start her own blog was pretty successful for the short time I spent up there. Check out one of the pics:

Love it!